Let me start by asking you the following questions:
1. How many times, in the last month, have you shouted at yourself for not doing something as well as you wanted to?
2. How many times have you told yourself that you're not good enough at something?
3. How many times have you congratulated yourself for doing something well?
4. How many times have you just stopped and thought about all the great things you've got going for you?
My guess is that you will have done more of the first two things by far. If you understood the damage this does to your subconscious mind, you wouldn’t do it.
Most likely, you wouldn’t be as cruel to your worst enemy as you are to yourself. You might tell yourself you have “high standards” and you are your own “biggest critic”, but if your boss spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you feel empowered and motivated by their words? Would you respect them for their disparaging comments and say it was for your own good?
No, of course not. You'd hate them and see them as someone who takes away your strength, making you miserable.
So, why do so many of us tell ourselves we are not good enough?
Everything we say to ourselves can get stored in our subconscious minds. If we are particularly emotional about something that hasn’t gone our way, the harshness of our words has even more potential to take root in there and do lasting damage.
If our subconscious minds hear something repeatedly, they take in the information as truth. Then, we start to behave as though it is true. We make it true.
Who’s the Boss Around Here Anyway?
Since your subconscious mind is really the conductor of your mental symphony, you need to be very, very careful how you go about composing the music for it to direct.
You might have a tendency to say throw-away comments about yourself, that you don’t really mean or believe. Your subconscious does not know that the comments aren’t true. It cannot detect fact from fiction. It consumes the incoming data and plots a course for you, accordingly.
So, now that you are armed with this information, what are you going to do about it?
Take the 7-Day Congratulation Challenge
Here is a challenge for the week ahead.
Start congratulating yourself when things go well.
No matter how small.
You buttered your toast at exactly the right temperature so that it would melt nicely, whilst still having the odd splodge of unmelted butter here and there.
Your most recent cup of tea was the perfect shade of beige.
You finished an important report an hour before the deadline, when normally it gets done with seconds to go.
Your head didn’t explode when your child went to give you a hug with jammie fingers, whilst you were wearing a white shirt.
The thing is, if we weren’t successful in many, many ways, we just wouldn’t function effectively on a daily basis. We do amazing things that we take for granted – all the time! We just don’t notice them, because we focus on the things that disgruntle us.
Every time something happens that you are disappointed with, notice your negative self-talk. Then, ask yourself what you could do next time, that would make the situation more palatable, or successful. Then, congratulate yourself on your cosmic reflection skills!
If you hear yourself saying something about luck, such as, “I am such an unlucky person,” or “things like this always happen to me”, know that that is nonsense. You were definitely not predestined to have a life filled with bad luck.
However, you might be inviting negativity into your world by focussing on it. Whatever you fixate on, you will find more of, because you have programmed your mind to seek it out.
Make a pledge to yourself, right now, to be kind to the most important person in your life. YOU.
At the end of each day, take five minutes or so to congratulate yourself on ten things that you did that you are pleased with. Do this just before you go to sleep, so that it’s the last bit of information that your brain receives before your conscious mind retires for the day.
It will only take a few moments out of your evening and it will make you focus on the good stuff. With continued practice, it will enable you to rewire your thinking patterns, so that you don’t continue to punish yourself.
When Is a Good Time to Start This Challenge?
Start the 7-Day Congratulation Challenge this very night. You will start to feel better about yourself through your list of appreciations, as long as you reduce the amount of “Me-Bashing” you do to yourself, at the same time.
Set yourself a reminder on your phone right now, so that you don’t forget to make a start tonight.
We’d absolutely love to hear about your success, so at the end of your seven days, come back and leave a comment below, telling us how transformative this simple daily action has been for you.
Congratulations on choosing to be kinder to yourself!
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